When we're stuck on a choice, we often rush to find the right answer. Sometimes, asking the question in a way that's closer to us first opens up more possibilities.
From outcomes back to needs
Swap “Will this relationship last?” for “In this relationship, which of my needs keeps going unheard?” You may find it easier to see where you can talk.
From right and wrong back to values
Swap “Should I change jobs or not?” for “Setting aside other people's expectations, what do I want my work to bring to my life?” Then sort out the practical conditions, the risks you can take and the next step.
From blame back to understanding
Swap “Why did I do this again?” for “What was I trying to protect back then?” Understanding doesn't mean standing still; it gives change a gentler beginning.
Today's small practice: write down one “What should I do?”, then rewrite it as an open question.
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